Have you ever been in so much pain because you continue choosing someone that is not choosing you back. You’re ready to dive in wholeheartedly yet that person remains elusive. The more you try to win this person over or convince yourself it’s “okay” with their non-committal vibe the more painful it becomes. I have so much compassion for people who are going down this awful path because I’ve been there – I think we have ALL have been there.
Liking someone and not feeling liked back. Contorting yourself into who you think they want you to be. Hoping, praying and wishing that person would just see how amazing you would be together, wanting that person to be available, willing and ready to commit is a dead-end street. Not being “chosen” feels awful!
We know we deserve better, yet another part of us is in love with the “IDEA” of winning this guy/woman over and the fantasy of what it could be is a glimmer of light at the end of the dark relationship tunnel.
Granted, at the beginning of any relationship there is some wooing that goes on. When we first start dating someone, it’s natural to put a little more effort in so the other person knows that you like him/her. But there is a line between wooing someone because you are mutually interested in each other or try to convince someone to be in a relationship with you.
Have you crossed that fine line? Here’s how you know: when someone is clear – either in their words or behavior – they are not looking for a commitment do you hear that information and know it’s your time to opt out because what you want doesn’t align with what you deserve, or do you fall in love with a fantasy? If someone continues to be slippery and is not into you, do you walk away or start to think of ways that you could possibly convince this person to pick you?
If you choose the latter, then you are entering into a future of senseless suffering. You will ignore your top values and instead listen to the voice of your ego, which says, “I want what I want and I’m going after it.” You then start thinking of ways to manipulate, convince and strategize your actions at the same time, feeling rejected and obsessive.
As much as you say you want someone to be in a loving, intimate and committed relationship, part of you may not think it’s possible. Maybe you’ve been hurt in the past and unconsciously you’re putting effort into a relationship that will never become magnanimous or perhaps you have some limiting beliefs about your worthiness, which are fueling your pattern of chasing after crumbs.
If this resonates with you, this is your wake up call! I strongly recommend you invest that energy into yourself. Heal your wounds and update your beliefs. Create a healthy relationship with YOURSELF.
We should all want the experience of choosing AND being chosen?
My encouragement to you is to be ruthlessly honest with yourself about whether or not you are dating or chasing. You are worthy of a loving relationship. You deserve to have a peace of mind in your relationship and be with someone who shares your values. You have a huge heart with so much love to give and if someone isn’t “choosing” you, why do you keep choosing him/her? <– rhetorical question only you can answer.
Take back your power… Choose wisely… Trust that you have a lot of options when it comes to relationships. Always remember the one relationship you MUST honor first is the one with yourself. If you want to attract a wonderful, loving partner who treats you the way you should be treated, it can only happen when you love yourself and treat yourself with respect, kindness and love. Choose you today. Stop running after someone who doesn't see you in their future.
One Love ❤