Most women don’t realize how starved men are for appreciation and in some cases respect. I certainly had no idea until I started writing about relationships and periodically doing my own personal self assessment to try to determine why my relationship failed.
Here’s why… The problem is some women usually dish out their love the way they want someone else to love them. Which means women typically feel loved when a man is attentive to her wants and her needs. In turn, many women will dish out a whole lot of “extras” to their man; while this is very nice and should be appreciated, it’s not what men truly crave.
What a man deeply desires is feeling acknowledged and appreciated for what he does provide. He wants to feel like his efforts were a success – this applies to everything he does from taking you out for a fancy dinner, to taking out the trash. If he takes you out on a nice date, acknowledge and appreciate him for it and tell him you had an amazing time.
If he takes out the trash let him know you appreciate his willingness to do that even though it is a simple chore. At least you didn’t have to do it in your heels as your rushing to go to work.
Men are typically more responsive to compliments about something they have done rather than who they are. Women on the other hand don’t usually realize this because women like general compliments like you’re so pretty/nice/fun/caring, etc.
Telling a man he’s thoughtful doesn’t have the same affect as saying something he did or provided was thoughtful, such as: “Thank you for doing the dishes, “thank you for putting the leftovers in the fridge.
”When a woman really sees and appreciates her man it makes him feel like the ultimate winner and he will want to continue doing anything to keep her happy.
Another important relationship tip is to try and focus on the intention behind his actions and appreciate that as well. I have a personal example for this one…
I was dating a guy and one night his flight arrived later than expected. He called me asked if he could come over. It was getting late and I was exhausted, but he said he’d be over in a half hour so I agreed. An hour and a half later he still hadn’t arrived and I was fuming!
Thinking where could he be? Why is he even bothering to come over this late? Why do I have to wait up for him when I need to go to sleep!
He finally showed up carrying something that smelled delicious, and I immediately went off on him for making me wait up for him without even calling or sending a text to let me know why he was running late. His response “I’m sorry babe, I wanted to surprise you and bring you this shrimp quesadilla from that place you love because I know you’ve been working hard all day and barely had time to eat.” Even though I was starving and I had been feening for that quesadilla, my anger didn’t subside and the rest of the night was uncomfortable and tense.
The mistake I made was focusing on his actions (him being late), rather than his good intention (him wanting to do something nice to make me happy). I’m not saying I shouldn’t have been annoyed by his lack of communication, our night probably would have ended a whole lot differently had I appreciated his good intentions and should’ve nicely mentioned the next time there’s a long wait at the resturant you can buy me a salad from Zaxbys and call it a night!
No one is perfect and no matter how great your relationship maybe, there will be times when he isn’t going to do something exactly the way you’d like him too. You’ll get a lot further, and do a huge service to your relationship if you simply focus more on what he is doing right rather than what he isn’t.