There are some things in life that get better with time, like a bottle of fine wine, a classic novel, or aged cheese, however, a bad relationship is not one of those things people. Bad relationships are more comparable to milk that curdles and goes sour. I can’t think of anyone who would drink sour milk, yet so many of us will try to convince ourselves to stay in bad relationships long past its expiration date.
After spending a few years going back and forth in a cycle of will they, won’t they, I finally let my own expired relationship go! If you’re using any of these rationales to convince yourself to stay in a relationship, it may be a sign that your relationship has expired.
1. “We have so much history.”
This is the oldest excuse in the book. Now in some cases history is good, it means you’ve been through a lot together, grown in different ways as people. Maybe you dated through college and all of your college memories include this person. Maybe you’ve been together through some hardship like losing a loved one or a personal battle of some kind. Maybe they saw the best in you when you couldn’t. Whatever it may be you’ve shared together at some point something changed and you began to bring out the worst in each other. Newsflash, we can’t live in the past, or recreate it for that matter.
2. “No one understands our relationship.”
Well you’re right no one understands your chaotic unhealthy relationship you consider true love.” This one goes back to that nasty sour milk example; no one understands why you would continue to reach for the carton of curdled milk when there are plenty of fresh cartons available to you at the same store. Chances are when you’re referring to “no one” you’re talking about your close friends or family who you’ve confided in about this person over the course of all the ups and downs, chances are at some point these confidents really began to resent this guy or girl and the way they treat you. Of course their view of the relationship is going to be different because it’s your relationship not theirs. They can provide a valuable perspective that isn’t colored with the feelings and emotions of the relationship as your are. They can clearly see and if need be remind you of the times when he/she cheated on you, stood you up, lied to you, or was just a straight up asshole. While no one may understand your relationship they do understand that you need to ditch the rotten milk for the sake of your sanity, and your emotional wellbeing.
3. “What if we’re soul mates?”
Ah, the what if rationale, this one is big for over thinkers; I know because this one’s my personal go to. All the quotes out there about how its better to try and fail than to regret along with all the what if’s in life. What if you give up on them and years later you regret it and you realize they were your soul mate and you end up all alone. I’m here to tell you if you’ve given him/her two or more chances and you’ve crashed and burned multiple times, give yourself (and your heart) a break, look to the future and realize the best is yet to come. After all over thinkers, what if your soul mate is out there waiting for you while you’re wasting your time on mister or miss wrong.
4. “When it’s good, it’s really good.”
OK, if you’re giving yourself some kind of “the good times make up for the bad times” speech in your head, stop it!
Maybe you were listening to all the wrong break up to make up songs on repeat for too damn long like I was, please understand the small handful of times they paid you extra attention and took you out to dinner do not, I repeat, DO NOT make up for the majority of times when they ignored you, couldn’t make time for you in their busy schedule, cheated on you, etc. If you’ve found yourself trying to weigh the pros and cons there’s probably a good chance whatever the cons are, they heavily outweigh the pros. It’s time to stop pretending that the tiny handful of good times in some way make up for the gaping hole of heartbreak you’re left with after each of the many bad times. And if you need a reminder of the bad times you love to forget, see #3 and speak to one of your confidants.
Not all relationships are bad and not all relationships have an expiration date, but if any of these rationales resonated with you, there’s a good chance its time to ditch the nasty expired wishy washy relationship. If you choose to stay in that expired relationship and you choose to repeat the same cycles of heartbreak over and over again you can officially change your name to “insane” and keep the complaints to yourself from everyone else who truly loves you.
There’s no reason to settle for a mediocre relationship when you could have one that will get better with time like a bottle of fine wine! You deserve to be treated with respect, and spoon fed unconditional love because you are worth it.
🍷Cheers to all the great relationships to come ❤️One Love 😘