Are You A Functional Hot Mess?

A certain level of mess feels clean and right for some people. I am one of those people who thrives in a state of perpetual “not yet” and “working on it.” It is a mental state racked with anxiety.          

It is a state that dwells juuuuuust on the cusp of darkness that is telling people you’re “not in a good place;” being a certain kind of “functional hot mess” means that your friends still count on you to always be there when they call, but they know you will not always be on time.

There is probably a minimum of a 137,000 questions you ask yourself when you don’t have all your ducks in a row. . 

Here are 21 thoughts every functional hot mess has—especially on Sundays, when they plan (and probably fail) to do literally every half-done thing they’ve put off doing that week. 

If you can relate to 6 or more of these Congratulations my friend you are also in the awesome group of a functional hot mess! Take your bow.💃

1. “I need to reorganize my shoes.”

2. “This is the perfect day to get my shit together.”

3. “I need to text ____ back.”

4. “I’ll text them back… later.”

5. “When’s the last time I checked my postal mailbox? 

6. “Oh cool, six weeks of coupons in my mailbox.” This walk was such a waste of my time!

7. “Is my favorite pants clean? I guess I’m not wearing pants to work tomorrow. I have to put on pants to leave the house, right? I guess I’ m wearing a dress tomorrow”

8. “I should do laundry tonight.”

9. “Why am I STARVING? Oh shit. Have I eaten today?”

10. “I need to buy groceries.”

11. “I’ll just buy lunch, tomorrow. As a treat. Tomorrow I’ll buy groceries.”

12. “Where are my damn car keys?”

“It can’t be 3:00 PM already?”

14. “Okay I am going to make that call I’ve put off all week, it should take like five minutes max. Dialing the number while thinking please go to voicemail—”

15.  It’s 6:00 PM already?”

16. “I need to reply to that email.”


18. “Okay, I need to stop watching TV. I’m just gonna—”

19. “Sugar smacks, I need to pay that  _______ bill.”

20. “Is it really 2:00 AM already?”

21. “I need to go to bed. Right after I—” 

🙋 Enjoy the rest of your hump day 🐫


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