Sometimes it’s best to leave the past and everybody in it right where it should stay… In the past!

IMG_4890Perhaps my over thinking and now my over dramatics was overshadowed by assumptions and I thought you looked down on our differences so I freaked out, deleted your number ~ accidentally on purpose đź’†LOL!

If you were a drug, my prescription was cancelled months ago. I put myself on a vulnerable trial not fully aware of the side effects. I’ve sustained my otherwise strong and balanced self. But our relationship remains unresolved; further research is needed.

I like to think I’ve rejected the opposite sex because of it within reason, but life for the most part is not fair & matters of the heart, most often is uneven. In this case, you didn’t just ghost, you haunted me again with a single text message – was it sent out of guilt? Or curiosity? I was done thinking about you.

I also stumbled upon a magazine a few days ago that was another reminder of us advising me that new memories can replace old ones. Just so happened I started spending time with a wonderful man who has been super explorative and expressive unlike you, who sees the most beautiful sides of me, I kind a wish I had exposed it to you.

I guess it’s the “I don’t know” part that’s haunting me. You and I had been seeing each other for a short time but each interaction always included intimacy. Do I sound crazy if I say I’d be understanding if I actually embraced hearing from you as opposed to your vague text messages? Perhaps you’re afraid of my reaction if we saw each other in the flesh again but why do I feel it was your fear of feeling that opted you out in the first place?

A part of me feels like reaching out again, but my past experiences have taught me it would be a waste of my time. I tell myself I have no fear of rejection, or regret but in reality I do. You were the only guy occupying my bed at that time however there was another before you, someone I thought about more consciously, who was at least honest about his emotions, unlike any remnants of us.

I don’t know if the embers are too charred or if there’s enough for a second spark. I guess you’d have to tell me but that would mean being honest and sharing the innermost part of who you are but you refuse to be honest about it so I’ve decided to play it safe and extinguish the flames and leave you where you belong, in my past! Duces ✌️



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