25 Drinks And What They Should Actually Be Called…

1. Bloody Mary: Slutty V8

2. Champagne: Looking Incredibly Classy And Chic While Getting Shitface🙈

3. Andre: Looking Incredibly Classy And Chic While 🙊Getting ShitFaced

image4. Light Domestic Beer: My Tastes And/Or Financial Status Have Not Evolved Since Age 19

5. Green Juice: Make Sure Everyone Sees That You’re Drinking This, And Therefore Knows You’re Healthy

6. Trenta-Sized Iced Latte: I Need 31 Full Fluid Ounces To Contain My Basic Bitch Multitude’s

7. Mimosa: It’s Brunch, I Just Finished Soul Searching, I Deserve This!

8. Barefoot Wine: Come Over To My Apartment To Sit On My IKEA Couch And Discuss Being Damn Near 40 & Single!

9. Cupcake Wine: Come Over To My Apartment To Sit On My IKEA Couch And Discuss Being Damn Near 40 As A Single Mom

10. Whiskey Neat: Time To Prove To This Bartender That I Am Still Cool At 38

11. Cosmopolitan: I Could Care Less What This Bartender Thinks Of Me~That Is All

12. A Cup Of Black Tea: I Read John Green Books And Created A Tumblr

13. Red Wine: My Tastes Have Evolved And My Teeth Are Entirely Stain-Resistant

14. Caiprinha: I’m Here To Get Drunk And Grind On Men Get Outta My Way!

15. Dirty Martini: The Introvert Thinking Person’s Way Of Getting Totally Hammered

16. Frappucino: The Milkshake You Somehow Convince Yourself Isn’t Actually A Milkshake, But An Acceptable Coffee Beverage

17. Four Loko: Reliving Your Teenage Years By Vomiting Into Your Friend’s Purse

18. IPA: For The Bro With A Master’s Degree

19. Rosé: The Official Sponsor Of Girls Who Watch Real Housewives At The Gym

20. A Tiny Cup Of Espresso: Please Ask Me About My Recent Trip To Europe

21. Mexican Bulldog: Our Friend Is Getting Married And We Are Here To Get Alcohol Poisoning

22. Mojito: I Strongly Dislike This Bartender And Want To Make His Job More Difficult

23. Coconut Water: The Jizz-Colored Beverage Of Choice For Fashion Interns With Good Eyebrows And Yoga Instructors

24. Evian: Keep Calm It’s Just Water

25. Long Island Iced Tea: No Time To Talk, Must Get Drunk ASAP

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s