If a man wants to open a door for you, let him. If he greets you, greet him back. Let him pull your chair out, check the road before you cross, lift heavy things and kill spiders – what is wrong with that? None of those actions denigrate you or threaten your feminism. You are woman, you can roar while a gentleman is handling his business.
When it comes to things like who picks up the tab and who orders the meals – there’s a way to handle these without beating a brother upside the head. If we’re early in the relationship, I tend to smile real pretty and say (as we peruse the menu), “Is this on you or on me?” Of course I expect him to say, “I got this.” But if he doesn’t, I know what I’m working with. As for who orders, I generally prefer to order for myself if the guy doesn’t know me that well because I’m allergic to all sorts of random things. But my ex- would always ask me what I would like and relay it to the waiter, “The lady is having…” I had no problems with that.
I remember walking down the street with an ex and he automatically moved me to the inside, away from the traffic side and took my hand to help me across the street. I paused for a minute (stunned) and then smiled and kept it moving.
These are just the basics, don’t get me started about respect, communication style, balance of power and heading the household. Suffice to say I’m traditional. All I’m asking ladies is that you give the man a chance to be a true gentleMAN. If he fails, you know what you got. But give a brother a chance please? And can you kindly say “THANK YOU” to the man for making an effort. A little appreciation goes a long, long way & it offers some basic common courtesy.
Gents… you’re going to have to step your game up and if your courtesy game is tight, tell a friend. It’s almost to the point where a man with “traditional values and courtesy” is considered a unicorn. Seriously, if a lady is waiting by herself for a seat – get yo’ hindparts up. Some of you are just bitter about some shady mess your ex-girlfriend/wife/whatever did to you so you’re mad at all of us. I didn’t sleep with the gardener in the bed that you bought, can you open my door please?
If you try to pull back a chair for a woman and she sends you “the look” just tell her, “This is how I was raised, deal with it.” Guess what? She will. Again, these are just chivalry basics. Please don’t make me run a tutorial on how (and when) to approach a female. Let me give you an example.
The other night near 11:00pm, I’m in Wal-Mart. I’m in a sweatshirt, yoga pants, and my hair in a ponytail that would have made Pebbles (a la Flintstones) proud. I am clutching Extra-Strength Midol, a bottle of wine, caramel corn and a gigantic box of Always Overnight Maxi-pads with wings. My face has that “I will cut you if you come at me the wrong way” written all over it. I see bruh-man easing up in my peripheral vision and I send him the laser-beam “don’t you even think about it” side-eye from Hades. He side winds up any damn way. Looks at what I have in my hands and says, “Hey Ms. Lady, how you doing tonight?” I start shaking my head slowly from side to side. The older woman in the aisle with me shouted, “How does she look like she’s doing? Move it along, son.” He stood there for a minute, looked back at my products again and almost ran the other direction.<~~example of what NOT to do gents!
All I’m asking gentlemen is that you make a genuine effort to treat a lady like a lady. Please and thank you should’ve been taught to you by the age of 5 years old.
I could go on but I won’t – I will press the pause button on this topic for now because I have to start cooking dinner.
Enjoy the rest of your Sunday lovely people 😊