Let’s imagine that when somebody disagrees with you, you associate this with not being liked or being rejected and in turn, you have an associated response of getting angry with the person, which could include lashing out, cutting them off etc. This means that no matter who it is and how much they like or even love you, your response will be prompted by the association, not by the present moment.
When we examine situations that elicit similar responses, we recognize that they’re linked by association. If you grew up in an environment where conflicts were swept under the table like it never happened or you were emotionally cut off for attempting to resolve any issues where disagreeing and being different were seen as being displeasing instead of having an opinion and standing firm on your own set of values, you will feel wounded by being disagreed with and by having differences highlighted. Suddenly your thrown ‘back there’ again.
Our blanket response treats and regards all conflict as having come from a ‘bad’ place plus all criticism including fair criticism aka ‘feedback’ is treated as an attack. The ‘rule’ becomes ‘You’re either with me or against me. If you’re with me, you don’t disagree with me or be honest with me. If you do, I’ll take it as rejection and bounce you out of my life.’ <- And that type of attitude is always going to end the same way it always has with you starring in your very own romantic movie which ends with you still single.
If you truly want your very own happily ever after ending; change has to start with you. When you finally decide to be real with yourself in order to be free from those old wounds, only then you can work on making the “wrongs” right.