I’m not bitter!

“I’m not bitter, I’m just mad as hell”! A line taken from Tyler Perry’s, Diary of a Mad Black Woman; is one that I can relate to. We have all been here, but we do not have to stay. The Urban Dictionary defines this term, bitter, on many levels. The first is the one I like the most: To be perpetually pissed off. Since no one wants to accept the blame, I will examine and critique myself, baring the cross that yes, I have been bitter, mad as hell.

What is it that I am mad as hell about? It is important to determine and fully understand exactly what it is that is pissing me off. Pinpointing the issue is vital in order to address it. I did some hard-core, self-reflecting over the last few days. I used the time to do a self-analysis to completely answer the questions I have been asking myself. I started with the last scenario first. What is it about relationships that I can’t get passed the first 3-6 months? I only decided to do this, because I found myself laughing at the outcome of a recent relationship. (Bitter-sweet) I was face to face with someone I actually did care about and was beginning to make concessions in my life to allow this person to “fit in”. However, what surfaced within me caused it to come to a screeching halt?

While I have never been bitter toward anyone else’s happiness and I’m always eager to help them find fulfillment—I have been bitter toward my inability to get past the first 3 months of a relationship. It’s always my decision to walk away, and it’s always due to discovering what I believe to be striking differences that I cannot live with.

Differences can come to me in the form of the individual not being well-rounded or cultured enough. That individual’s upbringing may have crippled them from being exposed to things outside of the basic necessities of life. It can be their style of dress and lingo that I feel is not compatible to my own. It can be my opinion about their maturity level not coinciding with their age; the way in which they handle or address situations that I feel are important or relationship altering. Side Bar: I just coined the term, Relationship altering: refers to the dynamic of the relationship changing (for better or worse) due to the way one party handled a particular situation which in turn caused the other party to conclude, this will or will not work out. Example: Man allows his woman to be disrespected by his male friend and does not defend her honor. She feels it’s his position, as her man, to address that situation. This is relationship altering for the worse. Guys, I am working on an example for you. (What do you think are some relationship altering scenarios?)

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